It's Not Cricket 
    (Difford/Tilbrook) 

    WARNING: These lyrics are unconfirmed and may be inaccurate. They represent the best attempt at deciphering the song we have yet to see. 
     

      She used to do a topless down at the Surrey Docks 
      With tassels on her whatsits she did a t'riffic job 
      Of raising all the eyebrows of every lunchtime mob 
      She went with all the tossers who kick about a ball 
      They say their club's the greatest, and she has kissed them all 
      At the Arndale Center, she's up against the wall 
      I can't name names cause that's not cricket 
      I can't name names that would put me in it 
      But that's another story in the finish 

      I saw them at the pictures a tangled heap of love  
      He had so many women, but only classy stuff 
      I saw him at the clinic, a pink card up his cuff 
      One holiday in Bognor a stag night hit the town 
      The groom is in the car park with his trousers down 
      But that's another story that won't be going round 
      I can't name names cause that's not cricket 
      I can't name names that would put me in it 
      But that's another story in the finish 

      The Deptford had a beano to Southend for the night 
      With 40 crates of lager, to see the Southend lights 
      The got home for their breakfast pissed out of their minds 
      This girl gave me the minces so I asked her for a dance 
      And in the death I kissed her and so I took a chance 
      And when I went to touch her, she tried to break my arm 
      I can't name names cause that's not cricket 
      I can't name names that would put me in it 
      But that's another story in the finish 
       

    Contributed by Elizabeth K. Bowles (with minor amendments) 


  • FROM THE ALBUM: Cool For Cats.
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